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The week went by quickly since I was off on Wednesday and then we had our section Christmas lunch on Thursday.  I ended up sleeping nine hours on Wednesday night and felt really refreshed and energetic on Thursday morning.  The trouble is, I was also feeling anxious.  I was ready to face the day, though, and looking forward to seeing Angelo again.

The morning raced by too quickly, though, and I didn’t see him despite several side trips to the washroom, etc.  I didn’t see him until I returned from my noon-hour walk.  I was trying to open the door and had some trouble.  As I glanced to my side, I spotted him in the kitchen, talking to someone.  We didn’t make eye contact and I don’t know if he saw me, but his eyes were smiling in a confident and sincere way  I felt happy to see him happy, if only for a few moments, but I really wished he had seen me.  Maybe he did, and that’s why he seemed happy.  I had thought about going into the kitchen earlier, but didn’t.  Then he would’ve seen me for sure, and we could’ve made eye contact.  It really makes me feel good to look at him, even if I feel somewhat upset and disappointed that he didn’t come to talk to me after I left the note. 

Maybe he did, but I wasn’t in for the next two days, and then maybe that’s why he took the following two days off.  I don’t know.  It could just be that he was sick.

He could’ve talked to me on Tuesday when he saw me, but I guess he was either too cowardly, or wanted to wait for me to make the first move, simply making himself available for me by hovering nearby!  Maybe he wasn’t sure about my feelings about the situation and wanted to leave it to me.  I know he’s not the overconfident, bold type.  I like to think of it as a sign of his respect for my feelings that he acts that way.  And I like the fact that he’s not overconfident.  I hate arrogance.

After that ‘encounter’, I only saw him again as he was walking away from the lunchroom a little later.  Then I had to leave for the luncheon, and I was really sad to go, knowing I wouldn’t have another chance to see him until Tuesday.

The luncheon went okay, and I was starving by the time we got our food, but on the way home, I felt really sad and lonely.  I could do whatever I wanted with the extra hour I had, since I left Tunney’s at four, but all I really wanted was to be with Angelo, or at least see him again.  I’m afraid I’ve fallen for him badly. 

I settled on having a cappucino, after unsuccesful attempts at diverting myself through shopping.  It made me feel somewhat better, though not in the way I had hoped.  There’s no real substitute for the love I want and need, I’ve come to realize.  There are only temporary fixes. 



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